


Right Now

by Hollerfield_Osterland



Series: We'll be a Fine Line [2]
Category: British Actor RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28495737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hollerfield_Osterland/pseuds/Hollerfield_Osterland
Summary: Based on a whole bunch of Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson songs.
Relationships: Tom Holland/Harrison Osterfield
Series: We'll be a Fine Line [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2087361
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	Right Now

**Walls**

“These high walls”

The marriage never lasted, and Tom should’ve known. Harrison was right when he said she didn’t deserve him because she didn’t. It wasn’t fair for her because Tom knew he was in love with Harrison yet he still married her. And it hurt, it hurt more than words could ever describe especially when he watched Harrison walk out knowing his heart would only be free around him. He didn’t even know why he tried to tell himself he was in love with someone else. 

Spoken truly; 

“Nothing makes you hurt like making your love hurt”

And that’s exactly what Tom did. 

He was lost. 

Harrison was his answer to everything. His yes, his no, his because and every single fucking reason he’d ever had. 

Nadia was never right. He loved her for sure, but not in the way he loved Harrison. He should’ve known, he shouldn’t have put her through it. Those few months he spent with Harrison was what he wanted to do his whole life. 

_________

**Falling**

“I’m in my bed, and you’re not here”

The first day they were together, him and Nadia he almost cried himself to sleep knowing he’d never wake up to Harrison’s beautiful eyes again. He knows that there’s no one except himself to blame for that. He wants to tell Harrison to forget everything he said, because he didn’t mean any of it. He loved Harrison more than he could ever love anyone and now the side effects of moulding himself into a shape he wasn’t meant to be held in, and now he was falling. And falling hard. 

“What if I’m down, what if I’m out, what if I’m someone you don’t want around, I’m falling again, I’m falling again, I’m falling.”

“You said you cared and you missed me too, and I’m well aware I write too many songs about you”

Harrison said he missed Tom, but it was obvious he didn’t, especially when she came along. She made him smile. 

Tom tried to meet up with Harrison, to talk. And tell him he needed him, but no words came out of his mouth. Instead he was sour and came across the wrong way. Harrison ended up leaving and Tom found himself falling again. Knowing Harrison would never need him again. 

__________

**Lights up**

“Do you know who you are?” 

He doesn’t even know what he is anymore. All he wants is to have Harrison around, just one more time. He knows Harrison never talks about him anymore… to anyone. And it kills him more that he hears about “his” Harrison through Harry. Things could never go back and he knows it’s because he ruined it. 

No amounts of “sorries” and “forgives mes” would ever change Harrison’s mind. Every time he tried to apologise Harrison would answer “what do you mean _I’m sorry_ ” 

He’d moved on.

“All the lights couldn’t put out the dark, running through my heart” 

He’d fixed his broken heart in a way Tom could only imagine, because he knew his own heart would be broken forever. 

He didn’t even know who he was anymore. He was never going back. He wondered if he’d ever find himself. He knew that you had to find yourself before you found others, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to find his true self until he felt that nostalgic feeling again. The one where Harrison held him close, or the one where he would lie asleep with Tessa, Harrison spooning him from behind. 

__________

**Adore you**

He knew he’d only ever love Harrison. Shit, it was the only thing he ever did. 

Thinking about Harrison was the first thing he did in the morning, and the last thing he did at night. Harrison was always on his mind and he regretted everything so fucking much. 

Reading Harrison’s speech that day, only added to everything. It was like the little cherry on top in this whole stupid situation. Tom finally knew what unrequited love felt like. He never understood until now. The only thing he ever did was long for Harrison. 

Like that song. 

“Walk through fire for you, just let me adore you” 

That’s exactly how he feels. If only Harrison could understand him as well as Harry Styles seemed to understand him. 

Harrison constantly comes into something. Whether it’s throwing out all his old hoodies he knew Harrison loved, or getting a knew cologne (and replacing Harrison’s favourite one) when she told him she didn’t like the smell of it. 

__________

“Fuck Harrison killed him. His head, his mind, his everything. But Harrison also brought him back to life, and he has no idea what he’s doing without Harrison around.” 

That one post she puts online is what really kills him.

It’s in black and white, and she and him are sitting together, and he looked so bloody happy. The happiest he’d ever seen Harrison look and the worst part was that the fire that had only ever been there when Tom was around, was in his eyes. He really was in love with her. 

Here he was thinking Haz only liked guys. Maybe he didn’t know Haz as well as he thought he did.  
__________

**Cherry**

He sits here hoping she doesn’t call him any of the names he use to call Haz. 

“Don’t you call him baby, don’t you call him what you use to call me” 

Don’t call him Haz, or Hazzy, or Hazza. Shit, don’t even call him Harrison. 

And now Harrison has stopped talking to Tom. He used to text him now and then but now it’s dead silent. 

“We’re not talking lately” 

Tom feels like screaming, like he’s closed up and he can’t help himself. He blames himself for everything. 

__________

**To Be So Lonely**

“I’m just an arrogant son of a bitch” 

He could never admit it, but he knew he was. He was the reason Harrison had moved on. 

This is what it really felt to be lonely. 

“It’s hard for me to go home and be so lonely” 

She’s always there, waiting with her too perfect teeth, and those lips of hers. The ones he hated to kiss. All he could ever think about was his lips. His thin pink, perfect lips.” 

“To be so lonely, to be so, to be so lonely” 

He the most lonely he’d ever felt. The most broken he’d ever felt. 

__________

**Don’t Let it Break Your Heart**

“Gotta place on the other side of London, doing better, doing better” 

“Life gets hard and its get messed” 

“When you love someone and they let you go” 

Everything about these lines, fit into Tom’s life. 

“We’re driving down a one way road” 

He finds himself comforting himself by drowning himself in Louis Tomlinson and alcohol. It’s a terrible habit that Harrison helped him overcome, but Harrison’s not here now. 

“Oh whatever tears you apart, don’t let it break your heart” 

It’s too late now. He’s given everything and it’s torn his completely. His heart was only a small part of what broke. 

He tries to repeat the words over and over. 

“Don’t let it break your heart, Don’t let it break your heart, Don’t let it break your heart, Don’t let it break your heart,” 

But it’s already broken. 

__________

**Habit**

“I know you said you’d give me another chance” 

He would give anything for another chance. 

“You’re the shiver that I can’t shake” 

Harrison’s the habit that he can’t break. 

He’s run out energy now and he feels like he’s playing someone he’s not meant to be. The alcohol gets worse. He then finds himself locked inside, only ever going out to get more alcohol. He’s so sorry he’s let Harrison down. He misses him so much and he can’t do anything about it. 

She comes home and finds him drunk and she leaves. She shouts and he falls down to cry. 

And then out of the blue, Harry’s there, actually no there’s two Harry’s until he realises ones actually Sam. He’s there and he kneeling down lifting him up, Sam helping him. Here’s barely conscious but he knows he wants Harrison and he manages to croak it a little. 

“Harrison” he whispers. 

“No Tommo, it’s Harry” Harry corrects, and Tom wants to cry again. 

Harry places him down in bed, but it all feels wrong, the bed smells like her and he doesn’t like the way she smells. He wants Harrison and the Ralph Lauren cologne he used. 

“Harrison” Tom calls again, and Sam does a sigh. 

“We need to do something about this” Sam whispers to his brother and Harry nods. 

__________

**Fine Line**

Harrison gets a call from Harry and he knows exactly what it’s going to be about. 

“We’ll be a fine line, we’ll be a fine line, we’ll be a fine line”

“Harry?” He says, and Harry’s shouting.

Loudly. 

“I don’t know what happened between you two, but I do know that you were always there for each other and now, Tom needs you Haz, there’s nothing I can do to save him this time please. He’s gone back to alcohol again and she’s gone. She left him. Please Harrison, I’m begging you!!! I’m scared.” Harry croaks and Harrison hangs up. 

“We’ll be a fine line, we’ll be a fine line, we’ll be a fine line”

He can’t deal with Tom, and his life problems. Not now, not after everything Tom did to break his heart. He was barely picking himself up now, and he knows that if he sees Tom again everything he built up will come crashing down. Plus he has Gracie and god he loves her. 

Not as much as he ‘loved’ Tom, but he loves her. 

__________

**Two of Us**

“I leave a message so I’m not alone” 

Tom leaves a message again. He listens to Harrison’s answer phone, again and again and again. Just so he can hear Harrison’s voice. 

“I’ll be living one life for the two of us” 

He lives every single moment hoping, and waiting for Harrison to call back, but he never does. Harry tries to keep his alcohol consumption down, but when Harry’s gone he drinks twice as much to make up for it. 

And then he drunk calls Harrison and Harrison magically picks up. 

“Tom, stop calling me. I don’t have the heart to delete your number or block you but I will if you keep this up” Harrison snaps into the phone. 

“Tattooed on my heart are the words of your favourite song” 

“Harrison please” Tom whimpers. “Please I need you so bad” 

__________

**Defenceless**

Harrison scoffs at me. 

“Been up all night, not sure how to say this right, got so much to loose” 

“What about when I said that to you Tom, what about when I told you not to walk out and you ignored me and you left” Harrison shouts and Tom flinches. 

“Been up all night, all night running through my lines, but it’s only the truth” 

“I love you Haz” Tom croaks. 

“Don’t fucking pull that card on me” Harrison roars, and Tom drops the phone sliding down the wall. 

“I hope I’m not asking too much, just wanna be loved, by you” 

His breathing becoemes worse as he listens to Harrison shout into the phone, louder and louder. 

“I can’t fucking believe you. I’ve only just learned to overcome you. And now you call me telling me you love me?!”

Tom’s chest constricts and he can’t breath, he knows Harrison’s going to hang up, so he starts to sob. His cries shaking his whole body. 

Then Harrison stops shouting. 

__________

**Too Young**

“Tom?” Harrison calls. 

Tom replies with a cry, and a whimper. Trying hard to get some form of oxygen into his body. 

“Oh my god, please breath Tom” Haz calls, but Tom can’t hear anything 

“I can’t believe you hate me” 

“So I cut you off cuz I didn’t no no better, no I realise, yea I realise we were too young” 

And then everything goes black, the blood rushing to the brunettes head. 

“Tom!” Harrison shouts. 

And then Harrison realises. Tom means everything to him. 

“I’m sorry that I hurt you darling” 

“I’m coming, I don’t even know if you can hear me” 

__________

**We Made it**

By the time Harrison get’s there, Tom’s almost regained conciseness.

“Cuz we made, underestimated” 

“Looking into your eyes” 

“Haz?” Tom whispers. He hadn’t even bothered to drink let alone eat a proper meal so he sober but he had no energy. 

“Done a pretty good job, dealing with it all” 

“Use to worry bout it but I don’t no more” 

“Yea babe, I’m here” Harrison says, rushing to Tom. 

“Harr- Ha- Harri-“ Tom can’t believe he’s actually here. 

__________

**Only for the Brave**

“I’m crying like a fool” 

Tom reaches his arms out from the floor where he sits against the wall. 

“And it’s only for the brave” 

“Darling you feel, like there ain’t enough dying stars in your sky”

Harrison leans down and scoops him up pulling him into his arms. He fits perfectly. 

Like two puzzle pieces made for each other. 

Tom turns his head and cries into his shoulder. 

“You left me and I needed you” Tom cries. 

Harrison doesn’t bother correcting him, to tell him that he left Harrison first. 

“I know baby, but I’m not going anywhere now” Harrison promises. “Tom, look at me and breath” Harrison encourages. 

Tom turns his face to look at Harrison and takes a deep breath and suddenly everything feels so much better.


End file.
